Oh Ella. What am I going to do with this girl?? I would really like to know. Never have I met a more complex creature, who tests and challenges me on more fronts. She can go from being the sweetest, most creative little girl, to being the type of holy terror only seen on Nanny 911. She doesn't like to be alone - for any reason - and she therefore refuses to go to bed at night in her room, won't watch a movie, and is now refusing to do any extracurricular activities (such as her beloved dance!). I'm honestly at a loss about how to control and react to her daily full-blow tantrums and constant whining and crying fits. Help! Surely somebody out there has dealt with something similar!? (Please say yes.) The trouble is that when she is good...she is so good! She loves to color, write, draw, and learn, and she comes up with the most creative little games (such as in the second picture). This was a day that she was really in her zone - wearing mismatched pajamas, with her hair in about 20 clips, drawing in the stroller on the chair. I love this zone! She can happily play and play, and although messes are usually made, she is so happy. Then, in the blink of an eye, she will freak out about some inconsequential thing. I'm talking full up lying on the floor, thrashing about with legs kicking, and screaming as though mortally wounded. This will continue for half an hour, while in the meantime the rest of the family is about to lose their minds! So far we've had to officially move Ella's bed into the boys room in order for her to go to sleep at night. They are not especially thrilled by this move, but they are trying to be patient with her until she can figure this out. We've got the sticker chart going to reward good behavior, which seems to be really helping, and we now have a "plan" for what to do with her during a tantrum. I know she doesn't want to act like this, and I don't think she just wants attention. I think she just loses control and can't figure out a better way to act. And I do think that tiredness plays into it, which is why she HAS to take a nap every day. When she doesn't, for some reason, we usually end up with her falling asleep in the car or on the floor. So...here is the question. Any ideas??? Any good books on the subject? An expert I should seek out? Is there hope for us??? We love this little one, and want to help her (and us!!). So I'll be waiting for all of your wonderful advice now! :)
6 comments:
Read the scriptures and pray. Sounds pretty basic, and I am certainly no expert, but my mom says it works. Love you, Kacee.
-Catherine
I'm not sure if I have any wonderful advice... but I do know that you are a good, structured, loving mom and I'm sure what you are doing is the right thing. Ella will figure it out sooner than later. Izzy used to throw some monster fits. I remember feeling a lot like you do. I was consistent with discipline and she matured and now we don't have those problems anymore. Hailey faithfully used the "Love and Logic" theory with Berlin and it really helped. They use "Love and Logic at Izzy school too. I've heard great things about it, but I haven't actually tried it. I think a good rewards system is key for kids. We use poker chips instead of stickers. All three of my kids have a cup that is labeled with their name on it. They all earn chips for good behavior and they also loose chips for poor behavior. (I got this from my sister in law and it has worked really well for her kids.) We decided in advance the value of the chips. For example, for 15 chips they could go to the bounce house or open gym at the gymnastics place. They could trade in 10 chips for $5.oo if there was something that they wanted to buy. Wilson just traded in 45 chips for new roller skates. Izzy wants and ipod or a new american girl doll, so she is saving all of hers. My kids will do almost anything to earn chips and they immediately curb their bad behavior if I let them know that they are about to loose X amount of chips. It has really worked well for all our kids regardless of their age. Love ya Kacee. Good luck, I hope it gets better soon.
Girl, I feel your pain! Conner was a holy terror from 1 1/2 to almost 5 years old! When he was a little older we did a "nice" and "naughty" penny jar, where Conner would lose or gain pennies according to his behavior. There was always a reward to work toward (he had 5 different ones of his choice, that we rotated ie. park, lunch of his choice, special treat etc.), and if he had all of his pennies in the nice jar (we did rewards on a Saturday), he could choose what to do, and it worked really well for him. It is similar to your friends poker chips idea. I would also recommend becoming a "Nazi" mom, as I had to do with Conner. Whatever the bad behavior was, he got 1 warning, with reminder of the punishment he would get (time-out, leaving the park right away, whatever works for Ella) and then if he did it again I HAD to stick to my guns, and go through with the punishment. It was not an automatic thing for Conner to get the picture of "if you do this, this will happen. So make a better choice", but eventually it did work, and it became easier on me. Consistency was the key for me. Also know that you are a great mom, and that each kid comes with their own best and worst sides. I'm just sorry at how frustrating it can be (especially since you have 3 others at home to be a mom to as well!) Good luck with it all, send along some updates!
Kacee...the only consolation I can give is that my sister told me that her little girl - the one I told you Ella sounds just like - has gotten MUCH, MUCH better now that she's older. She's 5, so not too much older. Hang in there lady! It may just take some time. We're confident enough that the goodness and sweetness will prevail in the end that we are sticking with Porter's betrothal to her! Good luck in the meantime! I can't give you any advice because I know you're a fabulous mom! And Ella's still so dang cute that I would have a hard time believing you if I hadn't witnessed some of the beginning stages!!!
Well, I've already given you all the advice I know....which isn't much. But a friend did tell me about the "Baby Wise" book series that she likes....apparently it goes from baby through the years.
Anyway, good luck!
Can I just say payback for "Carnation Instant Breakfast....You're gonna love it in an instant!" :)
Just kidding!! Hang in there!
Hey Kacee, My idea is something completely different. Have her adnoids/tonsils checked. Bella had hers out because it was causing sleeping problems. When I researched it, many kids act out during the day because they are not getting enough sleep at night. Google it.
Just one more thing to worry about, :) but Bella sleeps so much better now and isn't tired during the day! Really a different person.
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